Today... hum... how should i explain today... Well it was an alright day i guess, at school i thought it would be awful, but it wasnt that bad. I had mass i saw him (havent told you yet this story again this is one of my secrets, not now but maybe in future i will reveal it to you). Try not to look at him to make it obivous but sometimes its hard... however when i first arrived at school i saw people looking sideways to me, there some giggles thought they were to me that made me upset. I dont know if they were, but they looked like they were... 

Lets move on, what i wanna tell you i had my appointment at the doctors. She was really nice i had to go with mum. She doesn't speak much english, which was good for me which ment i could tell most things not everything but enough that she should know. She asked those normal questions, about my health if i'm healthy or not. If i sleep well, etc. I didnt reveal much, but then she said we cant do the blood test or any particular tests if you have any particluar symptoms, (e.g. unusual or dangerous ones)...

Suddendly, when she said that and typed what we talked about in the computer, something got into me to reveal to her what was going on. I told i lost weight, i told it did involve a bit of school. But i prefered not to talk about it, she asked me why but i maintained serect and said it was very personal, i even said sorry to not tell her...

She weighed me, i was suprised but shocked and my feeling to the balance was hoping to be at the right weight for me, the weight that i saw at home the lower i ever got. When i weighed myself it said 53kg i was suprised - how could that be? Maybe the balance at home is old enough and is not weighing probably , maybe this one's wrong (questions and thoughts got inside my head).  She measured me in height i dont know what it was but after that she told me i wasn't underweight, i was a at the normal weight for my age. 

I told her that i used to eat alot in the past, i used to weight about 60-61kg. I used like say i ate now, in like half an hour or so i would start eating again. But i try to avoid that. She said that if feel hungry to eat but eat healthy like a fruit or so. 

She asked me about my period. And i told her about them. I asked about my apperance, about my bones. Because some are starting to show up, she said if it was normal. She said it was normal in my case because i dont eat alot like before of course but i do need to eat enough and plenty. 

However, i also revealed that i used to eat 2-3 plates of dinner or lunch now i just eat like 1 plate. She did ask me if i skipped meals but i never do, if i could i would but 2 reasons stop me. One my parents and two its hard to stop eating like before and to cut down will be harder, but if my parents weren't a problem i would be able to do it. Of course she asked more questions, but this shows clearly the key points.

In the end, she said if it comes to a problem contact us (the doctor's surgery) and an appointment to see how your doing. Maybe in a couple of weeks/months times we will measure you again and weigh you to see how your going. More on your weight than height. 

When she was typing, i said can i see you again, and maybe we can talk about the issue on the reason of the weight and so on. I did ask if i could see her independtly, with parents. She said yes because i'm nearly the approriate age to do that. I asked her 1 or 2 more questions, such as if she would tell anyone and another question. And she said only if i was in danger (e.g. killing myself, someone hurting me and so on). Also i did tell her that i had a proper couseller/physocologist at school.

So now, she made the appointment to see her and i will see her on my own in two weeks time. Looking forward to that, but worried of course any nervous about the talk. Lets see how it goes.

Today's quote is: "Don't be afraid to fight for your happiness, don't be afraid to be friendly, don't be afraid to say sorry, don't be afraid to sin as to no one is perfect everyone, but never be scared to fight for your dreams & wishes, and to love those people that exist in your life, the ones that are important to you."