Another day goes by, it was alright i guess unitll thoughts go into to my mind. I was sleeping in the afternoon and when i woke up i had those thoughts again suicidial and this time it involved jumping down a window i even looked at it for a while... also your probably think i'm a discuting person and probably i am other thoughts came to mind. And these thoughts were 'sex desire' thinking about wishing i would do and so on and how would it be like doing... i know i know im discusting and ugly person to have these thoughts i dont know why i had them but i did... tomorrow is another lets see how it goes, i havent had time to weigh myself because as you may know parents are closer now since its christmas time and new year coming soon but as soon as that finishes i will start weighing myself back again. But i do still look to my self in the mirror and see the same thing every single time... this finishes with another quote and today's quote is: Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'

A day has gone, unfortunately disappointing to me. This is because i keep looking at myself in the mirror but today i looked and realised the differencd that i look even fatter than before :( i havent weoghed my self for like 3-4 days ago maybe because i'm worried to see the number of kg shown on the balance... however i need to stop this,and by this i need to cut down on the food even more like i never done before, it will be harder to avoid and to hide from those speacil people to me but i will try and do it. Its a battle to go thorugh in my life but i do believe that i will get throught this. This brings once again to another quote: "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."

Half of the day gone, but still the rest to complete it, however I ate food that I shouldn't, and yet I haven't checked my weight today, but will do later. Brought new things today because of the boxing day (sale). Loved it, but you know whenever I walk around town I get that feeling of people looking at me with the wrong eyes (judging me for the way I look e.g. ugly and fat and the way I dress up e.g. like last time when I had that episode in school). Otherwise my day was alright I guess, but you never know later on something may cause that to change... This brings to an inspirational quote, which is: "What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

Another day gone by, christmas is over but however yet there's still new year to come and of course more food being involved. I weigh myself every single day, from yesturday till today i weigh the same, i feel good about it because i havent gained more weight. But however i need to lose that weight i gained and get it back to where it was before... i hope you had a lovely and peaceful christmas, if you like my blog and what i write, then do feel free to comment below or even follow me on Google+ also do feel free if you want to share the blog around with your friends, family and so on. From now on, i will leave an inspirational quote on every daily post i put on the blog, and today's inspirational quote is: "Never give up, beginning is always the hardest."

Another day has gone, yes it is Christmas Eve and I wish a merry Christmas to you who's reading this. However, remember when i talked about worriness in eating alot today,  that could affect my weight, well i ate aleight i guess better than last year instead but i could of done better :( i gained weight im so disappointed in myself, tomorrow is another day and again starts the fear... oh no i will try my best to eat less with out making my parents noticing it :/ Hope you have a merry christmas full of happiness, health, peace and love. May your wishes become true too :)

Today was another day gone, it was alright i guess but tomorrow starts my worriness... its christmas eve and the christmas day on the next day and my fear is the food because i want to try and avoid eating as much as i can but there will be family - well my parents and sister, and you know what familys are like: eat another thing, eat a bit more (name) etc. I will try my best not to eat alot i will try and make excuses because i dont want to get any fatter, so lets see how it goes...

Made my appointment yeah done, but however if they do the same thing like they did once when i my parents wanted to a health check on me i wont do it, i'll forget about it and if a disease or problem appears in my health i dont care, at the moment i will leave ot as it is, but when i go to it and they do the same thing then i will forget about it and live my life freely, if i die then let it be it maybe this is a sign to realise i do deserve to suffer with these problems in the past, in the present and will in the future.