Well, this guy could be the one, the perfect, nice and unique boy for me, but I've given up on him, he's not good enough for me, because he is ugly if he was beautiful and fit i would go out with him. But from him i want nothing no more, i know i'm stupid to be like this, but unfortunately i am. And i can change that, that's how i am, for me the look in physically and the emotion to like me is important, both of them are. But know that, i haven't spoken to him, i feel alot better, don't know why, but i do. Don't miss him, nothing. Maybe in future, my truly king/prince will appear...

Back To Posting ;)

It's been a long time since i haven't written, lots of good and bad moments have happened. Good well, no more love story have happened for that uncle, i only see him as a special uncle and no more than that. Another good moment I've recently met a new guy off online, who's friends with my cousin, and on Sunday it's been 1 month since we met online, i feel a special and strong feeling for him, i keep being confused of what i feel for him, i asked for a time apart from each other, but it doesn't work, because the more i'm separated from talking to him, i think even more about him. I want to meet him. :) And see how things go :D But for bad, those in-secures are still there, and won't go away, still shy, still have low self-esteem, still no happy well,  kind of, because i think i'm useless, and ugly, but i have been saying that less, which probably is a good thing :) I will try and maintain writing, because as you may know i love expressing my emotions with text :)

Well, i haven't had a free time really, i've been really busy and this will continue around may - june. Exams coming up, more homework being set, CV needs to be completed. However when all of this has finished i will come back and start writing because i love writing and express my emotions and thoughts. On the other hand this week has been fun, i have been making alot of progress, talking just a tiny bit more, i have resolved everything with my uncle by talking to him by phone, this made me feel a bit better. This weekened homework, a bit of revision and cv completed. But also i have talked about prom on social medias, to my friends and now i'm more than certain that i want to go. I'm having nails, make up and hair done. I'm going to buy a beautiful dress, and with the heels my friend offered to help me walk on them :) As you see alot of progress was made. So i will try and keep as much writing daily as i can, otherwise only may or june that will happen. :/

Quote: "Day by day, more and more progress is made, and more reasons are given to feel happy, smiley, good and even proud about life. You only live once, so live the most of it, really."

Well, what should i say its been a busy holiday, loved it. Haf my birthday and everything which went alright i guess. But somthing has happenedc in between a true love has happened and no its not the boyfriend i always talk about. Well nearlly talk about. But yes my uncle. I have always loved him truly, but unfortunetly nothing will ever happen between us. First of all he's my uncle, secondly he's married and thirdly he has a son. Age for me never bothers me, but also i think your heart never chooses who you love. He knows about it. But still he tends to show that he doesnt feel the same of course for those reasons. I love him with all my heart seriously, i will never forget him ever. I will always love him. He's my only true love lover and will always be. With my boyfriend well, i dont seem to like him anymore but still i go out with him, to not have the same problems like last time. He never comes to my mind, he rearly does, but my uncle he's always in my mind he may go sometimes but he always comes for me to think about him. Also one other think i had my eyebrows done on my birthday, and i simply have had my eyebrows done and i feel good about myself and positive. I told my new friend that i trust about my boyfriend thst i met across the internet, she thinks its wrong because i dont know him. But also i told about my uncle and dhe thinks its still wrong because for varies reasons. But i cant forget him its impossible i love him, and i will do always. He's my only lover, posively i will never stay with him, and which i wont, i will never have no one in my life execpt him. And if he doesnt stay with him, i had a decision made, which by the fact of he doesn't stay with him i prefer to die than suffer from not having him belonging to my life.

Quote: "Love is an extrodenut emotion. It can lead to several actions. Postive and negative. Postive is to love with all your heart and give the person you love what he deserves which is: 'to be happy.' Negative can lead to cheating, disappointment, sadness, but also it leading to death, in many occasions. So stay firm and live wisely with you life because yoi only live once."

Well, what should I say its been a busy week. I was were i was and the school week ended prefectly. But when it comes to friday, i was going on holiday and everthing worked terribly. I lost the train and bus and i had to sleep at the airport for 2 days. To have my flight happening on the actual sunday. But i'm now where i am for my holidays and thats what it matters. Back to see family. Missed carnaval on sunday but i have today to see it. Slept today with cousin. Lets see how days goes. My birthday is coming up soon this week. Sorry for not coming everyday but it has been a busy week. But i will try and come when i can. But next week i will go back to where i was and i will post like always.

Quote: "Not always days go perfect, but you just have to find a way to deal with them. And when it comes to the right time or place that postive and wonderful place will take place."

Today was pretty good day. I went to see my counceller, it was OK i guess. Lots, of positives and a few negatives, but i dealt with it, and i was OK with it. The problem with my brush on my foot, it doesn't hurt, but it has been resolved, the boy didn't say sorry but asked if my foot was better, and i said it was and he was like are you sure (name)? and i said yes, and he said that's good. But he only spoke to me because my head of year told him to do so. Once again at lunch i went to see the girls, it was less awkward than yesterday. But i do believe that eventually, it will become less and less weird. Tomorrow i have the talk with my teacher, and still i have to write the card to give in -to the other girl, and i will do so. Tomorrow, i have PE and i really want to do it, but one or two people think i shouldn't because of my foot. Well, its not that bad its just bruised and it doesn't even hurt no more. And i am being honest here like always. So really i will do it. No one will stop me from doing something i enjoy or love. Not much too say today, but i am making some progress i guess :) and i'm so happy for that.

Today's quote: 'Fight for what makes you happy and not let nothing destroy or come between the progress, to make a change in your life for you to become sad.'

Well, my day was going well yesturday untill an accident haplened. i went meet up with the girls a lunch, i did have some concerns whether i should go or not, i even went to that teacher that helps me alpt and she adviced me to go. So i did, it was very awkard but i managed it. They even wanted me to walk with them, so i did. Yesturday, at the end of the lesson i was standing up whilst, a bout was messing around and landed on my foot. It was very painful. He didnt realise he had done it. I went to the MI room, got some ice. The bruse was getting worser that i had to go to the hospital. My head of year came in, told him what happened, he talk to the boy but nothing. He doesnt remember that he did that. I knew this was going to happen. Because he didnt look back to me and said sorry which meant he didnt realise that he'd done it. Well, today i have to go and see my head of year and see what's going to happen. I thout it that this will get resolved but we shall see. Also i have the talk with my counceller. Last night i got a text, from the a girl, saying that she was worried about me becauae she did not see me in lesson. I was regretting to tell her because of worried that she wouldnt believe me. But in the end i told her. She even told me something that happened during lesson. I feel that now i'm am trully getting close to her. She invited me to go at lunch again. I shall will do. Lets see how the day goes. My brush isnt that bad now, but now i wanna do PE and i cant, because of this stupid bruise and my parents dont want me to do it. And i thout that the school will let me.

Today's song: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UAWcs5H-qgQ