Changes in mood and insecurities back on at the moment. Have been speaking to the boy but today later or closer to night not well because of my mood has changed. And frequently it's been happening quit often, for the moment i can be happy and the next i can change, but oh well it's probably normal. But i definitely don't want to stop to talk to him, i'm not gonna isolate from him. But untill my mood goes back to normal i don't feel like talking to no one, or even do much in particular, and yet be alone to think. But he did mention that i would have a surprise, but didn't tell me what it was, i was going to walk today at night, yet because i love walking, but since my mood is like this i don't know if i want to go, i might as well stay at home and go to sleep. I will see...

Changed my mind...

I've been thinking and thinking alot about the case of the new boy. And he doesn't come out of my mind, i've started talking to him again since saturday-sunday and we're back together to be strong friends like never before. Last night he came to my mind to go to sleep and once again thia morning i woke up thinking about him, both night and morning smiling whilst opening, and closing my eyes. I love this voy enourmously and i cant imagine my life with out him, i feel that what i feel for him is something really strong, and i cant hide that. But i am more than definently i sure that i want to meet up with him for the first time.

Quote: Never let you mind pass you by to come out through mouth, but yet let you heart be present at all times with honesty and truthful words. 

Another day has passed, and nothing has much passed. Took selfies, out in the street with cousin, didn't feel alot comfortable because there was whistling, and cars passing, and i took less than her one or two. No prince perfect has appeared, but maybe he will show up, maybe it's not the right time yet :/ but oh well, if i stay single that's how it has too, that;s how God choose my life to be like. And only he knows how my life will be, and i will just have to deal and accept it. But i feel like i'm not loved enough, wish i had a perfect like, a perfect boy for me, lived happily with no problems to deal with (self-confidence and everything). But maybe, step by step i will reach that enormous step, let's see, day by day i believe i will succeed and progress...

Quote: Live happily and comfortably and never let others bring you down, for the amazing and spectacular person that you are or have turned into. 

Well, this guy could be the one, the perfect, nice and unique boy for me, but I've given up on him, he's not good enough for me, because he is ugly if he was beautiful and fit i would go out with him. But from him i want nothing no more, i know i'm stupid to be like this, but unfortunately i am. And i can change that, that's how i am, for me the look in physically and the emotion to like me is important, both of them are. But know that, i haven't spoken to him, i feel alot better, don't know why, but i do. Don't miss him, nothing. Maybe in future, my truly king/prince will appear...

Back To Posting ;)

It's been a long time since i haven't written, lots of good and bad moments have happened. Good well, no more love story have happened for that uncle, i only see him as a special uncle and no more than that. Another good moment I've recently met a new guy off online, who's friends with my cousin, and on Sunday it's been 1 month since we met online, i feel a special and strong feeling for him, i keep being confused of what i feel for him, i asked for a time apart from each other, but it doesn't work, because the more i'm separated from talking to him, i think even more about him. I want to meet him. :) And see how things go :D But for bad, those in-secures are still there, and won't go away, still shy, still have low self-esteem, still no happy well,  kind of, because i think i'm useless, and ugly, but i have been saying that less, which probably is a good thing :) I will try and maintain writing, because as you may know i love expressing my emotions with text :)

Well, i haven't had a free time really, i've been really busy and this will continue around may - june. Exams coming up, more homework being set, CV needs to be completed. However when all of this has finished i will come back and start writing because i love writing and express my emotions and thoughts. On the other hand this week has been fun, i have been making alot of progress, talking just a tiny bit more, i have resolved everything with my uncle by talking to him by phone, this made me feel a bit better. This weekened homework, a bit of revision and cv completed. But also i have talked about prom on social medias, to my friends and now i'm more than certain that i want to go. I'm having nails, make up and hair done. I'm going to buy a beautiful dress, and with the heels my friend offered to help me walk on them :) As you see alot of progress was made. So i will try and keep as much writing daily as i can, otherwise only may or june that will happen. :/

Quote: "Day by day, more and more progress is made, and more reasons are given to feel happy, smiley, good and even proud about life. You only live once, so live the most of it, really."

Well, what should i say its been a busy holiday, loved it. Haf my birthday and everything which went alright i guess. But somthing has happenedc in between a true love has happened and no its not the boyfriend i always talk about. Well nearlly talk about. But yes my uncle. I have always loved him truly, but unfortunetly nothing will ever happen between us. First of all he's my uncle, secondly he's married and thirdly he has a son. Age for me never bothers me, but also i think your heart never chooses who you love. He knows about it. But still he tends to show that he doesnt feel the same of course for those reasons. I love him with all my heart seriously, i will never forget him ever. I will always love him. He's my only true love lover and will always be. With my boyfriend well, i dont seem to like him anymore but still i go out with him, to not have the same problems like last time. He never comes to my mind, he rearly does, but my uncle he's always in my mind he may go sometimes but he always comes for me to think about him. Also one other think i had my eyebrows done on my birthday, and i simply have had my eyebrows done and i feel good about myself and positive. I told my new friend that i trust about my boyfriend thst i met across the internet, she thinks its wrong because i dont know him. But also i told about my uncle and dhe thinks its still wrong because for varies reasons. But i cant forget him its impossible i love him, and i will do always. He's my only lover, posively i will never stay with him, and which i wont, i will never have no one in my life execpt him. And if he doesnt stay with him, i had a decision made, which by the fact of he doesn't stay with him i prefer to die than suffer from not having him belonging to my life.

Quote: "Love is an extrodenut emotion. It can lead to several actions. Postive and negative. Postive is to love with all your heart and give the person you love what he deserves which is: 'to be happy.' Negative can lead to cheating, disappointment, sadness, but also it leading to death, in many occasions. So stay firm and live wisely with you life because yoi only live once."