Today was another day gone, it was alright i guess but tomorrow starts my worriness... its christmas eve and the christmas day on the next day and my fear is the food because i want to try and avoid eating as much as i can but there will be family - well my parents and sister, and you know what familys are like: eat another thing, eat a bit more (name) etc. I will try my best not to eat alot i will try and make excuses because i dont want to get any fatter, so lets see how it goes...

Made my appointment yeah done, but however if they do the same thing like they did once when i my parents wanted to a health check on me i wont do it, i'll forget about it and if a disease or problem appears in my health i dont care, at the moment i will leave ot as it is, but when i go to it and they do the same thing then i will forget about it and live my life freely, if i die then let it be it maybe this is a sign to realise i do deserve to suffer with these problems in the past, in the present and will in the future.

My friend suggests that i have Anorexia :/ i didnt think i had until i discovered... i started researching and researching about more about anorexia (the symptoms, reasons to have anoxeria, etc) And i found out that a few of the symptoms related to some of my. Thats when i started to think that maybe i do have anorexia, however i did found out that people that dont get trated with it may be caused to have serious problems like heart problems or other type of problems which can may lead to die. This made me think i dont wanna die, but if i do maybe i deserve it. I told my friend my weight before and now and her reaction was shocking to it. I feels i dont deserve none of this and that im pretty and everything but i don feel that way... however one step at a time lets see how my tests go, hope they are perfect and show that everything is fine with me. I wanna thank you my dear sister (my friend) for helping and supporting me when i needed, i love you, you know what you mean to me, without you i wouldnt be the same, thanks for everything and sorry about bothering you woth my unimportant things. I love you and i will always be here for you no matter what time or what day, whenever you need me i will always be available for you <3

I've been telling my friend that i've ment along time ago from social medias about this blog. She's been reading it everyday, however she read my recent post on my weight and exams... and she agrees with my parents to do exams to see if everything is ok. At the begining i didnt again with her like i did with my parents but now... i think its the best and right thing to do. On monday i will make the appointment at the doctors to do the tests, i hope everything is ok im so worried about the results :( 

Going back to my weight loss, my parents and familia think that i look to thin/slim and that i should eat more. But i regret to eat like i used to and also i tell them that i'm not i look the same as always. Although this is the case my mum wants me to do exams to check if everything alright with my health, but im too scared of the results and that if their bad im worried about their reaction to it. So im trying to avoid the health test (blood test, urine, high or low blood pressure and so on test). I say to them yeah i will make an appointment but when they remind me i say i forgot i will make it tomorrow but i make and make excusses to not test my health. I've gained weight, so i need to lose it back again where it was or abit downer a bit because seriously i dint think the way i look yet is perfect for me... So I wont give up.

That thing that i havent told you yet i remain secret it, maybe tomorrow i will reveal it, my problems will also remain secretive but however when i reach to the end of the finished line to be able to accept them and fight through them, no matter what happens i will reveal the. But not at the moment. Good Night.

... This was to give me a Hug, she said that i know your the head of year but she also included something else in the end but i can remember. And he in the end he did and accpeted it and hugged him too, i felt like the need of having that hug of course my teacher did as well give me a hug before he came in i was so happy with their reaction it felt to me that they showed that they loved/liked the person i am. However i then headed back to form because i had carol service and they stayed chatting... But there's still one thing that i haven't meantion to you yet ...