Sister's birthday was today... loved sharing smiles and a special moment on this special day for her. 'Love you sister, your my everything...' But food gets involved and i get scared of eating, worried to eat to much and worried that this entire thing happening might be discovered one day. 

I weighed myself today and i was huh... yesturday at the doctors i weighed 53kg and now i weigh 46-47kg (i checked before eating but after i didnt worried what the kg would go up to). I was supprised like how could it, either it is right or something is being presented wrong, i think my balance is wrong. 

My weight cant be that low yet... i wish it was but its probably not and i need to lose more weight. I think i'm still fat and overweight but one thing that i had in mind today and yesturday. Is the suidicidual thoughts have came back in mind, i have didnt types of ideas to commit suicide, but the problem is is that i'm not brave enough to do it. Which means i'm weak and useless.

Today's quote reflexcts on: 

"A smile isn't always what makes us happy and shows that we are happy, but it is at least something and its better than nothing, never give up on trying and yes do search for your happiness, because happiness does exist. One day it will appear to you and will.make you the most happiest person ever in the entire world."