Have been happier like never, with my boy. Last night, we spoke honestly that i landed on our biggest secret. He told me his, and i have planned the other day to tell him, but i wasn't brave enough to speak up, but i did yesterday. I gave all my trust on him, and now he knows. But if he speaks it out my life ends completely. But i believe in him and he promised not to tell anyone. He didn't judge me, he gave me all his respect and caring to cheer me up as my tears was running down my eyes. But as this blog is anonymously i will confess my secret here and now:

It all started in the summer when finished primary school, and I had few friends, but I wanted more friends. And I wanted more until I added people who I didn't know at all. Until it came to a boy who seemed an age of 18, 19, 20, something like that. But I was about 10-11. We talked on MSN chat, he called me, beautiful, princess and everything ... until it got to the point, in that he wanted something more from me ... He wanted me to take my clothes off on web. I refused, and he stopped talking to me, Until it came to a day that I missed him, and went back to talk to him. But he only spoke to me if I did what he wanted. Until it came to me having courage and did it, I felt I could trust him but it took it in steps slowly, like levels and he accepted. Level 1 one lifted her skirt and showed my bottom but with panties. He then wanted the top Level 2 i put my skirt  down, I took the sweater, with taking my bra down, and covered the breasts with his hands making strange movements. Then dressed the whole top again. We reached the level 3 he wanted me to be completely naked, but I didn't want to, it make me feel less comfortable. I made up stories, like for example that my parents were coming, that was honestly the truth, I then invented some more excuses. But he pressed me until it got to the point that he threatened me and said that if I don't do what he wants then he would put the images on the internet, on YouTube. But at the start he had promised that he wouldn't do that. I trusted him, but now he threatens me... He continued to insist, until I got to a point and made a decision, which was blocking him, and i did it... I never heard more of him anymore. My fear is still that he has put the images on YouTube, my fear is that it can happen all the same again, it wouldn't happen again, but you never know it can happen by someone forcing me to do it, or something similar. My fear is that someone discovering my big secret. My greatest fear and that if someone finds out included my parents, my life will definitely end, and I say this for the deep truth.

My boy didn't judge me, he said that his opinion continues the same. in positively opinion. He gave him all the support, that i most needed. He gave everything a girl deserves, in certain reasons i think i don't deserve it. But I love him truly, and day 7th of August will make a month that he started going out, in being boyfriend and girlfriend. And I've been preparing something to offer him, but he doesn't know, that i'm gonna give him something, because i want to make it secret, until the day. But when i give it to him i will reveal it on here.