Yes, one day again has passed havent had those thoughts in my mind today is that a good thing, i ask myself? However, i got the chance to weigh myself, found the right to do it, well i was suprised that i wasnt where i was when it was christmas time but however i do need to loss weight to where i feel its confortable for me. Also i've noticed that my boobs are different by being more downer and not uper if you know what i mean like there like dropped :/ is that normal? They werent like that before, i wish they were like upper abit :/ but if i had to choose i would choose to be like i am now because you the weight problem of trying to look perfect like those other girls that you see around, with perfect bodies. Maybe in future time when my body apperence looks simular to those girls and i feel confortable maybe i will change the size of my boobies but not at the moment, i dont yet feel confortable to do that just at this point. Tomorrow is another day, and still i've still got a gigantic battle to fight through, something tells me that i will get through this... As days goes by, its getting closer to my doctors appointment ans my fear starts to develop but getting worried of what the results of my health might be... Today's quote is: "Never give up on something you really want. Its difficult to wait but more difficult to regret."

In total i have 2 - 3 problems, yet i still feel that i'm not ready to tell them but i can reveal you one at least. Well at the start of high school begining of year 7 and maybe end of year 8 or start of year 9 cant remeber clarley when it ended but it did end finally. Well when i did PE (physical education), there was these 2-3 girls that would come up to me when they felt like it and would ask me personal questions. These questions were... what Bra size i used? How big my boobs were? They even decided to ask if they were fake? :'( of course that made me feel very low and i did not reply to them to the size and stuff and of course there werent fake. I was worried of what they could do when i didnt tell them what size my bra was. But happily they didnt do anything. Although thats a good thing i didnt like what they asked me and that made me feel less confident in myself. And as you may have seen on my posts this has affected me since then, but my other problem is much more serious however it does involve physical apperence too. But i'm not yet ready to reveal it. The quote for this post is: 'Life goes on, whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or stay behind, locked in the past, thinking about what you could've been.'

Another day goes by, it was alright i guess unitll thoughts go into to my mind. I was sleeping in the afternoon and when i woke up i had those thoughts again suicidial and this time it involved jumping down a window i even looked at it for a while... also your probably think i'm a discuting person and probably i am other thoughts came to mind. And these thoughts were 'sex desire' thinking about wishing i would do and so on and how would it be like doing... i know i know im discusting and ugly person to have these thoughts i dont know why i had them but i did... tomorrow is another lets see how it goes, i havent had time to weigh myself because as you may know parents are closer now since its christmas time and new year coming soon but as soon as that finishes i will start weighing myself back again. But i do still look to my self in the mirror and see the same thing every single time... this finishes with another quote and today's quote is: Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'