Just came home from town, and when i was in town in a shop with my mum and sister we i saw my mum's friend who i havent seen in ages yet she does she my mum often because she works with her. As soon as she noticed me (my mum's friend) her reaction was shocking she said what have you been doing girl you look like a skeleton. I was like no i just eat less than i did before because before i ate and ate and ate and ate, but now i just eat lesser. And she said is it because of a boyfriend or... i said no no no, and evetually she stopped talking to me and carried on talking to my mum like she was. At first i was shocked with her reaction and my feelings to that of happening were that how do i look like a skeleton i'm not that skinny, im still fat but not too much as before however im not skinny. My friend from the internet that ive tolked about in the previous posts think i'm not well that i have anoxeria. I disagree im not mentally ill i'm fine i think its perfectly normal for a person to loose weight and feel confortable with themselves. What do you think? Do you think i'm mentally ill or do you think its pretty normal like i think to loose weight. Today's post quote is: "No matter how loud their opinions are. They do not chose who you can be."

Yes, one day again has passed havent had those thoughts in my mind today is that a good thing, i ask myself? However, i got the chance to weigh myself, found the right to do it, well i was suprised that i wasnt where i was when it was christmas time but however i do need to loss weight to where i feel its confortable for me. Also i've noticed that my boobs are different by being more downer and not uper if you know what i mean like there like dropped :/ is that normal? They werent like that before, i wish they were like upper abit :/ but if i had to choose i would choose to be like i am now because you the weight problem of trying to look perfect like those other girls that you see around, with perfect bodies. Maybe in future time when my body apperence looks simular to those girls and i feel confortable maybe i will change the size of my boobies but not at the moment, i dont yet feel confortable to do that just at this point. Tomorrow is another day, and still i've still got a gigantic battle to fight through, something tells me that i will get through this... As days goes by, its getting closer to my doctors appointment ans my fear starts to develop but getting worried of what the results of my health might be... Today's quote is: "Never give up on something you really want. Its difficult to wait but more difficult to regret."

In total i have 2 - 3 problems, yet i still feel that i'm not ready to tell them but i can reveal you one at least. Well at the start of high school begining of year 7 and maybe end of year 8 or start of year 9 cant remeber clarley when it ended but it did end finally. Well when i did PE (physical education), there was these 2-3 girls that would come up to me when they felt like it and would ask me personal questions. These questions were... what Bra size i used? How big my boobs were? They even decided to ask if they were fake? :'( of course that made me feel very low and i did not reply to them to the size and stuff and of course there werent fake. I was worried of what they could do when i didnt tell them what size my bra was. But happily they didnt do anything. Although thats a good thing i didnt like what they asked me and that made me feel less confident in myself. And as you may have seen on my posts this has affected me since then, but my other problem is much more serious however it does involve physical apperence too. But i'm not yet ready to reveal it. The quote for this post is: 'Life goes on, whether you choose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or stay behind, locked in the past, thinking about what you could've been.'

Another day goes by, it was alright i guess unitll thoughts go into to my mind. I was sleeping in the afternoon and when i woke up i had those thoughts again suicidial and this time it involved jumping down a window i even looked at it for a while... also your probably think i'm a discuting person and probably i am other thoughts came to mind. And these thoughts were 'sex desire' thinking about wishing i would do and so on and how would it be like doing... i know i know im discusting and ugly person to have these thoughts i dont know why i had them but i did... tomorrow is another lets see how it goes, i havent had time to weigh myself because as you may know parents are closer now since its christmas time and new year coming soon but as soon as that finishes i will start weighing myself back again. But i do still look to my self in the mirror and see the same thing every single time... this finishes with another quote and today's quote is: Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'

A day has gone, unfortunately disappointing to me. This is because i keep looking at myself in the mirror but today i looked and realised the differencd that i look even fatter than before :( i havent weoghed my self for like 3-4 days ago maybe because i'm worried to see the number of kg shown on the balance... however i need to stop this,and by this i need to cut down on the food even more like i never done before, it will be harder to avoid and to hide from those speacil people to me but i will try and do it. Its a battle to go thorugh in my life but i do believe that i will get throught this. This brings once again to another quote: "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."

Half of the day gone, but still the rest to complete it, however I ate food that I shouldn't, and yet I haven't checked my weight today, but will do later. Brought new things today because of the boxing day (sale). Loved it, but you know whenever I walk around town I get that feeling of people looking at me with the wrong eyes (judging me for the way I look e.g. ugly and fat and the way I dress up e.g. like last time when I had that episode in school). Otherwise my day was alright I guess, but you never know later on something may cause that to change... This brings to an inspirational quote, which is: "What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

Another day gone by, christmas is over but however yet there's still new year to come and of course more food being involved. I weigh myself every single day, from yesturday till today i weigh the same, i feel good about it because i havent gained more weight. But however i need to lose that weight i gained and get it back to where it was before... i hope you had a lovely and peaceful christmas, if you like my blog and what i write, then do feel free to comment below or even follow me on Google+ also do feel free if you want to share the blog around with your friends, family and so on. From now on, i will leave an inspirational quote on every daily post i put on the blog, and today's inspirational quote is: "Never give up, beginning is always the hardest."